My name is Keyless Entry.  I lecture

On Spanish olives.  Tie a lamb chop around my neck

And I’ll draft you a Byronic stanza.  I’ll feed

George Herbert’s IQ to Liverpool quarrymen. 

I must hover over your patio brick,

Peep with this pen to tune your grand piano. 

Jacob wrestled with an angel on Bob Dylan’s

Beach towel, because snakes have two penises,

As Einstein was quick to point out.  You can’t take

A warehouse out for steak.  Leave the Vermeer

Chair empty, Porgy.   For the finale, we’ll play

“Krakens on Crackers,” and remember to smile.

Nobody loses sleep like fiends of the backbeat.

If you don't carry stamps you're not a poet.